Concept: For this article, assume two general types of promises: (1) Acting under a shared understanding of how to conduct oneself in a relationship and (2) following through on planned activities. Narcissists see either type of commitment as no more than optional and will break one when some contrary action appeals to them more than staying within their commitments’ boundaries.

How this hurts the narcissist: A narcissist’s sources of supply will grow dissatisfied with each broken promise. This inability is a one-way path to discovery and abandonment.

Examples:

1. A man’s ex-girlfriend reaches out to him wanting to see him and give him another chance while he’s heading out late to a date with his new girlfriend. He texts his new girlfriend to cancel because “something came up.”
2. Janice reveals a secret about her best friend when she overhears someone praising her friend.
3. “What? I never planned to see you tonight. You’re really losing it lately. What do you think that’s all about?”

Advice: Learn not to rely on narcissists in your life. If they claim they will do something, assume they won’t and make alternative plans, so you don’t get stuck or upset. Please keep a record of each time they break a promise and review the growing list every now and then to chip away at your dependence on the relationship.

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