Concept: Narcissists feel insecure around others who value their independence and could act against the narcissist’s wishes. Narcissists feel most comfortable around those who have a propensity to people pleading. To achieve this sense of control over others in their lives, narcissists use numerous techniques to get into their victims’ heads and make them suffer anxiety at the mere thought of defying the narcissist’s wants.

How this counteracts a narcissist’s insecurities: If the narcissist ensures that a victim will feel aversions to actions that defy what the narcissist wants, then the narcissist feels secure from surprise negative reactions.

Examples:

1.  A professional claims that her degree and training make her opinions about that field unquestionably true.
2. A husband uses the threat of conflict to make his wife back down on ay former boundary she expressed.
3. A colleague threatens to expose a co-worker’s affair unless he completes her report for her.

Advice: Don’t put yourself in a position to have your actions constantly serving an adult over yourself when that person can serve their own needs.

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