Concept: This stage happens when a narcissist has so devalued a victim that there is no more desire to use the victim. A discard can be demoralizing as the memories of the love bombing phase makes the victim wonder why they deserved such an extreme turnaround in feelings. Yet narcissists lack moderation and discard victims because they’ve lied to themselves to keep up their defensive narratives and no longer see the usefulness or value in discarded victims.
How this reinforces the trauma bond: When there’s a desire to stay in the trauma bond, the discard stage can hit victims hard as it’s both sudden and harsh. Just like cliffhanger endings are meant to draw readers into consuming the new story in a series, a discard in a desired, trauma-bonded relationship makes the former victim jump at any chance to return to the relationship with offers of reinforced servitude.
Examples:
Advice: Focus on what the narcissist said during the love-bombing stage and know that the compliments they offered outline the real you, which can help lift your spirits and counteract the shaming you endured. Also, if you can embrace the discard, you’re freed from your abuser and did no more than wait for your release. It’s time to celebrate!
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