Acceptance - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: Sometimes, victims cannot exit a narcissistic relationship (e.g., financial dependence, fear of retribution, a child under the supervision of a narcissistic caregiver, etc.). When there are relatively painless avenues of escape and victims don’t choose them, it’s because the trauma bond is emotionally challenging to escape. The narcissist may have gaslit the victim into believing that no one else would take them, that the victims are so wretched that they deserve the punishment the abuse brings, or that the narcissist will someday return to the love bombing version of themselves. Whatever the reason, staying when escape is possible comes down to acceptance of a trauma bond and the accompanying abuse.

How this creates more abuse: Accepting someone’s abuse drives the narcissist’s confidence in getting away with it and thereby causes more abuse.

Examples:

“Larry, I wanted to say thank you for sticking with me when I don’t really deserve you,” said Nancy. “Yeah, whatever. Now get out of here. I have work to do,” Larry said. “Yes, dear. I’m sorry.”
Living in the cult has taken everything from Marcus, but the leader made such a strong case for how he owes it to everyone to stay for taking him in when he had no one else.
Not knowing any different way of life, Rebecca stays with her abusive family rather than taking student loans and going to college.

Advice: Talk to a trusted confidant, who you know wouldn’t align with the narcissist if you practice acceptance of your abuse. If this is too difficult for you, look into a mirror or reverse the camera on your phone. Talk through all that’s happened to you while playing the role of listener and speaker. When you finish your story, keep looking in the mirror and give yourself advice as if you were advising a friend. Follow the advice.

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Enabling