Blame Taking

Concept: Given their propensity to deny accountability, narcissists constantly shift blame for their bad behavior onto others, particularly their primary enablers. These enablers often justify taking responsibility to give narcissists what they want and end the abusive episode.

How this creates more abuse: Taking the blame for bad behavior justifies the narcissist’s narrative of their superiority. The enabler will find that the narcissist raises the accepted accountability later to justify more abuse.

Examples:

  1. “That was my fault. I should’ve warned you to avoid the tree when you backed up the car.”
  2. “I antagonized you. That’s why you hit me. Don’t worry about it. My bad.”
  3. “I know why you cheated me. I wasn’t giving you enough attention. From now on, you’re the center of my world. Do you forgive me?”

Advice: You may think that keeping the peace in a relationship with a narcissist is an excellent policy, and blame-taking only fosters more peace. This is not true. Blame-taking diminishes you in the narcissist’s eyes, and you can expect this to justify further abuse. Please take responsibility for what is yours and leave the rest to the narcissist.

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