Caring for Others - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: With an intense self-focus, narcissists have no room in their attentional capacity for the concerns of others unless doing so will ultimately serve their needs. The lack of care extends to both colloquial definitions of the term. They can neither provide care for someone who has needs (again, unless they see a direct benefit) nor do they care about the difficulties others face. On the latter, they often go out of their way to make others’ lives more difficult.

How this hurts the narcissist: Most relationships are choices. Even familial relationships involve choices to maintain relationships and not exit them. A lack of care is the most noticeable and troubling of all the inabilities. A relationship partner who doesn’t care about the other will drive the partner away with the feeling that they are more servant than partner. Narcissists can expect discovery and abandonment from an inability to care more than the rest in this category.

Examples:

A husband refuses to visit his wife in the hospital as she suffers from a life-threatening illness, justifying his actions because he would just get in the way.
A father doesn’t show up to the walk-a-thon his son set up, choosing instead to hit the bars early with his buddy.
When Gary learns that a guy on the competing bowling team attempted suicide when his wife left him, Gary goes out of his way to find his competitor to twist the knife in his wound before their next match, hoping the rumination will help his team win.

Advice: A relationship with someone who doesn’t care about others must become one of subservience. If you can, get out of these relationships and don’t look back. If you can’t, reduce the service you provide to a minimum. Do you really want to carry someone through life who looks at you with only cold indifference?

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Inabilities