Concept: The stages of narcissistic relationships curl into a loop with a successful Hoovering stage. Hoovering is a form of love bombing for survivors. It usually takes shorter and shorter periods before leading back to the devaluing stage. The only end to the cycling is when the victim’s endurance runs out, or the narcissist sticks to the discard long enough for the survivor to replace the narcissist.

How this reinforces the trauma bond: Each cycle makes the trauma bond easier to form and, thus, less effort for the narcissist.

Examples:

1. “I keep asking myself why I keep taking someone back like you. How do you keep tricking me?” said the man to his confused wife, who remembers him convincing her to reboot the relationship.
2. The day after they get back together for the tenth time, Michelle starts listing why they broke up in the past, blaming Rashad for each recounting.
3. “I hired you back again out of the goodness of my heart, and here you are giving me the same old terrible reports. Shape up, or you’re going to be unemployed again.”

Advice: If you go through a complete cycle, including Hoovering, see how long it takes to get to devaluing and realize that the narcissist will never change. This will make it easier to let the next discard stick or find a way to exit the renewed relationship.

Home | Rights Theory | Love | Toxic Personalities | Fiction | Charlton’s Ground | About Me

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Red Flags | Motivations | Fears | Techniques | Inabilities | Enabling | Defenses Against

Stages

Love Bombing | Devaluing | Discarding | Hoovering