Concept: Narcissists create intricate narratives to cast themselves as victims and heroes. When others believe these narratives, they tie themselves into the narcissist’s lies and open themselves up to manipulation, control, and abuse. Discovery is when a victim of a narcissist unravels the narratives and identifies them as untrue. Victims usually take this understanding and use it to motivate an escape the narcissistic relationship after discovery.

How this increases a narcissist’s insecurities: Discovery often leads to abandonment or some other measures to reduce the hold of narcissists over the now-enlightened victims. Not only does this reduce fulfillment of narcissistic supply needs, but the counteractions of victims provide evidence of the narcissists’ dysfunctional behaviors (i.e., abuse) and therefore increases their inner shame.

Examples:

1. A spouse sees evidence of an affair.
2. A subordinate finds out that the boss has been cooking the books to con investors.
3. A young woman finds out the source of the devastating rumors was her best friend.

Advice: Discovery is the opposite of a narcissist’s active ignorance. Don’t actively ignore the evidence of narcissism; instead, deliberately examine it and focus on it. Ignoring reality is a major reason why narcissists are so dysfunctional. Understanding the truth is an antidote to narcissistic abuse.

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Narcissism Encyclopedia

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