Concept: An apology almost always lifts our spirits. It validates any hurt or upset resulting from someone else’s actions. Knowing this but also unable to take accountability for malicious behavior, narcissists offer apologies that do not contain personal responsibility and often shift the blame from the narcissist to the victim.

How this leads to greater control over a victim: Hearing a narcissist apologize, given its rarity, creates gratitude and, therefore, greater control.

Examples

1. A significant other constantly apologizes for every possible slight so often that her partner grows tired of responding that it’s not a problem and is thankful when the apologies stop altogether.
2. “I’m sorry that you feel that way.”
3. “I’m sorry that happened, but what did you expect me to do when you [insert negative attribution]?”

Advice: If someone in your life rarely apologizes, analyze the apology you received and try to discern how it avoids accountability. Generally, you will unravel the lack of responsibility, and the apology’s interpretation will shift from healing to greater control. The more you can break down the behavior of a partner and understand the game behind it, the stronger your willingness to exit or diminish the relationship.

Home | Rights Theory | Love | Toxic Personalities | Fiction | Charlton’s Ground | About Me

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Red Flags | Motivations | Fears | Inabilities | Stages | Enabling | Defenses Against

Techniques

Arguing | Baiting | Boundary Crossing | Breakups | Favors for a price | Framing | Future Faking | Gaslighting | Intermittent Reinforcement | Interrupting | Isolation | Lying | Martyrizing | Projection | Secret Digging | Shaming | Silent Treatment | Stonewalling | Tailored Abuse | Targeting Empaths | Threats | Triangulation | Ultimatums | Word Salad