Concept: Someone saying “no” to a narcissist is one of the greatest threats to a narcissist’s ego. A refusal forces the narcissist to re-examine their perceived entitlement and superiority over others, which can do enormous damage to their egos. In the face of potential rejection, the narcissist will try any tactic to get others to serve their needs and prevent damage to their self-esteem.

Testing someone who you suspect of narcissism: In the face of a proposal, express leaning toward a refusal. Non-narcissists may ask if they can change your mind, while a narcissist will demand justifications for your positions and argue with you about how you’re wrong.

Examples:

1. “I know this is only our second date, but I feel a real connection with you, and I think you feel it too. Unless. Oh no, maybe I’m wrong about that. You don’t really care about me, do you? If you did, you’d commit.”
2. Jared has his MO. He gets people in his life to confide in him, then uses the threat of revealing those secrets to manipulate others into taking actions that benefit him.
3. “Look, all I’m asking for is $1,000. It’ll turn into $10,000 in a week. I promise you.”

Advice: Refusals to support a narcissist can do significant damage to their egos and leave a need unmet. If you experience pressure campaigns at the whiff of a refusal, it’s a good idea to give a firm no and walk away from that person without return.

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Narcissism Encyclopedia

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