Extravagant Storytelling - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: To keep up defenses from their inner shame, narcissists attempt to control the narratives of their life. These narratives paint narcissists as greater than they are and not as successful as their talents would suggest. Narcissists explain the reasons for failure as circumstances beyond their control, including the evil intentions of others. They aim to pull the listener into deceptive tales and gain their admiration and sympathy to validate the narcissist’s beliefs and make listeners sympathetic to helping them.

Testing someone who you suspect of narcissism: Question those who could verify the elements of the narratives for an assessment of the validity. Some will back the narcissist out of loyalty but listen for non-verbal signs of deception, such as hesitation and lack of eye contact. Even loyal surrogates of the narcissist can confirm the fishiness of the stories if you know body language.

Examples:

“I once caught a fish this big!”
“It would’ve worked too if it wasn’t for the ______ that happened at the last minute, but I’ll have my chance again. Next time, no one can stop me.”
A narcissist tells a story casting themselves as the hero when you were there, and they did little to nothing right.

Advice: Insecurities once again tell the story of narcissist red flags. Extravagant storytelling is a means of keeping control of narratives so the listener will accept the focus of the story – the greatness of the narcissist relative to everyone else. In truth, a person who does this experiences constant internal shame. Entering a relationship with someone like this will cast you in a bad light relative to their heroism.

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Red Flags