Concept: Acts of kindness are a reward in and of themselves for non-narcissistic people. For narcissists, who focus on self above all others, any act must benefit themselves. Even the most minor favors require at least a future price that narcissists demand in the future.

How this leads to greater control over a victim: Creating a feeling of indebtedness ensures that narcissists meet their needs if they make an explicit deal to trade favorable actions. Even without a direct deal, narcissists are more likely to get someone in their life to fulfill a future need through a guilt trip when reminded of the past favor.

Examples:

1. A cult leader reminds a cult member that he took in the member when he was lonely and in poverty to convince the member to steal money for the community.
2. A friend offers to put in a good word for an acquaintance at a law firm where they used to work in exchange for information about his ex, who still works there.
3. A legislator offers to give a foreign country aid in exchange for information about a rival.

Advice: If someone in your life is unwilling to help you out without an explicit deal or an expectation that they will come back looking for repayment in the future, find another way to achieve your goal. Even favors you feel you paid can come up again when a narcissist wishes to control you.

Home | Rights Theory | Love | Toxic Personalities | Fiction | Charlton’s Ground | About Me

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Red Flags | Motivations | Fears | Inabilities | Stages | Enabling | Defenses Against

Techniques

Arguing | Baiting | Boundary Crossing | Breakups | Empty Apologies | Framing | Future Faking | Gaslighting | Intermittent Reinforcement | Interrupting | Isolation | Lying | Martyrizing | Projection | Secret Digging | Shaming | Silent Treatment | Stonewalling | Tailored Abuse | Targeting Empaths | Threats | Triangulation | Ultimatums | Word Salad