Concept: Those without narcissistic-level insecurities typically will have a corresponding reaction when others demonstrate positive emotional valence. Genuine smiling and laughing are often contagious. Narcissists typically react with signs of aversion or distaste when others are happy.

How this increases a narcissist’s insecurities: The reason behind a narcissist’s aversion to others’ happiness is that they have severe deficits in happiness. The vast majority of a narcissist’s experiences lead to the negatively valanced (please note that emotions are not negative, but the actions we take due to them may be) categories of emotion (i.e., anger, disgust, fear, and sadness). Although the narcissist attributes happiness as a positive state, not experiencing it themselves and seeing evidence in others drives counterevidence to narcissists’ narrative of their specialness and thus increases their internal shame.

Examples:

1. A man accuses his husband of an affair because he came back from work singing a happy song.
2. A man pops a child’s balloon.
3. A passerby bumps a child holding an ice cream cone, so it falls to the ground.

Advice: Notice how people in your life react to happiness in others. Reacting negatively is so outside the norm that it’s a clear indicator of narcissism.

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