Concept: Helping others can be a rewarding experience, and in no way should this entry be interpreted to suggest denying others help when they ask. Here, helping refers to a pattern of aiding an individual who never reciprocates. Continuing to help an individual even after recognizing the pattern of no reciprocation is enabling.

How this creates more abuse: Narcissists who return to the same people for help develop narratives about their superiority to the enablers, casting them as weak for always helping when they get nothing in return. They will not offer gratitude (because this acknowledges the goodness of their enablers) but will ask for more costly help in the future.

Examples:

1. “Sure, you can borrow another $200. I know you’ll pay me back when you can.”
2. When Karen broke up with him, it hurt, but he wanted to stay friends, so he helped her move out of the house and in with her new boyfriend.
3. Still feeling loyalty to her old organization, Claire volunteered to come in the Saturday after her boss fired her to finish her final report without pay.                                 

Advice: Trading favors is a narcissistic behavior and best to avoid. Instead of taking a tally, notice patterns where you help someone else out, but when you’re in need, they can’t help. After recognition, refuse to offer help, and don’t get talked out of your decision. They’ll likely move on to more willing enablers.

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Enabling

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