Concept: Professor Joseph Campbell published a book called, “The Hero with a Thousand Faces,” in which he explains a theory that the most prolific myths from around the globe follow a prescribed pattern of stages. The book is a remarkable exposition with many examples of rock-solid evidence for the theory. The most profound piece is the suggestion that we all have opportunities to go on a hero’s journey. Without getting into too much detail, the major stages are the ordinary world (the comfort zone), crossing the threshold into a new world (a broader awareness), and resurrection (a rebirth in which the old self dies and a new self emerges). A hero’s journey for the recovering victim of a narcissist would map out as follows: (1) The ordinary world of unpredictable abuse, constant stress, and enabling narcissism; (2) Discovery of the narcissistic abuser with mounting evidence against the narcissist with each passing interaction.; and (3) self-realization and as much abandonment as the recovering victim can have against the narcissist.

How this helps, and the opposite hurts: Narcissists choose their victims based on their victims’ virtues and susceptibility to tolerate abuse. An opportunity for the hero’s journey gives recovering victims a chance to escape from the clutches of narcissistic relationships (not just a current one, but any possible future ones) to the point where the toleration of abuse ends. The opposite is what Campbell called “the refusal of the call.” If these refusals continue into perpetuity, the victim will never escape. Even after a permanent discard, another narcissist will come into the victim’s life. In the myths, the gods punished the hero for refusing the call to adventure. In narcissistic relationships, a victim’s refusal of the call becomes perpetual narcissistic abuse.

Examples:

1. The call to adventure: “We’ve been friends since high school. I hope you can trust me when I say I’m sorry, but I think you married a narcissist. Here, take this book. It helped me a lot when I was dating you-know-who.”
2. Crossing the threshold out of the ordinary world: “I just can’t take it anymore. I have to figure out what happened to my life.”
3. Resurrection: Wanda leaves a note for her narcissistic husband, saying, “Jack, I left, and I’m not coming back. I didn’t deserve how you treated me, and now I’m starting my life over again without you.”

Advice: You’re reading this right now. You’re likely on your own hero’s journey. Keep going. Read more entries, click on links, check the references, etc. You got this!

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