Concept: When ruminating about discarded relationships, narcissists often think of new ways to use their former victims for their own gain. Upon reaching this conclusion, narcissists may turn on their charms and reach back out to their victims. They’ll go back into love bombing as long as it takes to reform the bond to the point where they can use their victims again.

How this reinforces the trauma bond: Victims often long for the return of love bombing, especially after a discard. When it happens, they feel so grateful they may be just as desperate to get back into the old relationships as the narcissists, this time taking on greater enabling behaviors to prevent a future discard.

Examples:

1. “Hey, Tiffany! What a coincidence seeing you here.” The man goes in for a hug, which a surprised Tiffany accepts. “Actually, do you have some time? I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Maybe we can get some coffee and chat.”
2. After kicking her out of his house. Ulrich calls up his wife and tells her how lonely he’s been.
3. A former boss who fired his employee tells her that the job is hers again when he realizes productivity went down after his rash decision.

Advice: Someone willing to abuse you is dangerous, and therefore an end to the relationship is what you and your loved ones require. Please don’t give that up by getting Hoovered. Refuse any offers to get back into the abusive relationship you escaped.

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