Concept: When first interacting with relative strangers, many narcissists know that coming on too strong may turn off the new person. Narcissists prefer that people accept and acknowledge their specialness immediately but often restrain themselves from making extreme claims. Some grandiose narcissists skip the humble part when describing themselves and go straight to over-inflating comments. However, most narcissists take their time establishing their self-glorifying narrative by touting themselves but with a light touch or tempering a claim by pulling back some of its weightiness.
Testing someone who you suspect of narcissism: Other than observing the suspected narcissist’s words and body language, you can also actively test this theory. Question the suspected narcissist about their view of a competitor, whether in the social-circle sphere or (lacking a personal referent) the public sphere. Narcissists have a difficult time holding back self-praise when comparing themselves to others. They’re likely to share that they are superior in some way to the competitor while not acknowledging any unfavorable comparisons.
Examples:
Advice: Try to ignore the narrative style in favor of the words chosen. Narcissists are master manipulators who adopt certain facial expressions and gestures that can trick the senses, but the words chosen aren’t as well under the narcissist’s control. You’ll see through them better if you hear a brag in their words and ignore how they said it.
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