Concept: Even when actively trying to ignore reality, our brains work on piecing together information in unguarded moments (i.e., intuition). Enablers of narcissists often have glimpses of awareness of the dark reality where they reside. A skilled enabler attempting to stay within a trauma bond often suppresses the voice of intuition, refusing to examine information that would make them question their co-dependent relationships.

How this creates more abuse: When narcissists notice that others don’t seem to have any clue about their bad behavior, it encourages them to continue it and often ramp it up.

Examples:

1. “The late nights at work, the weekends away without telling me his whereabouts, the weird text confirming plans we didn’t have can only add up to one thing—I must be getting paranoid.”
2. “No way Rex is stealing from the trust. He wouldn’t do that to his kid. There’s some other explanation for these numbers.”
3. “She couldn’t have meant that. It’s my old anger issue coming up where I jump to conclusions that turn out to be wrong.”

Advice: Your intuition is trying to protect you. Listen to it, even when you’d rather not hear the cold, hard truth. When you do, also don’t let the narcissist talk you out of your new conviction.

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