Concept: Contrary to common belief, intimacy may, but doesn’t necessarily have to involve sex. Instead, intimacy is expressions or gestures of positive affect in the context of a close relationship. Intimate relationships are a common source of supply, but the expressions are often one-sided as the victim engages in intimate action while the narcissist avoids it. Intimate relationships that include a narcissist generally break down and dissolve because of their one-sided nature. The victim will go through a discovery process and exit the relationship after growing tired of a lack of reciprocation from the narcissist or after the narcissist acts to create emotional distance or abuse to avoid intimacy.
How this increases a narcissist’s insecurities: Narcissists cannot sustain intimacy due to their lack of genuine care for others. They may fake it for a while, but intimacy requires genuineness. Over time, the victim and narcissist understand that the narcissist has faked intimacy. The narcissist may grow insecure at the fear of discovery and drive the victim away. When these relationships fail, narcissists can claim success for causing the relationship’s demise.
Examples:
Advice: Listen to your intuition in an intimate relationship. Humans have inherent skills in detecting disingenuousness. It may not come as welcome news that your intimate relationship is a lie, but it is better to understand that sooner rather than later so you can dissolve the trauma bond and recover faster.
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