Isolation - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: Narcissists tend to talk negatively behind others’ backs to emphasize their superiority. When they turn to criticizing a partner’s loved ones, this likely means a desire to damage or destroy the relationships between their victims and their victim’s loved ones. This sows the seeds of distrust, increasing the chance of their victims abandoning loved ones and thus isolating themselves. Isolation is also a technique when narcissists want revenge on survivors who left them. This is a smear campaign, where the narcissist will reach out to those who know the survivor and lie about the survivor’s conduct within the relationship. This creates isolation against the victim.

How this leads to greater control over a victim: Each loved one in a victim’s life is a potential source of feedback that can lead the victim to discovery and possible abandonment. Successful isolation neutralizes those potential threats. Smear campaigns can result in greater control over the victim if they end abandonment in exchange for the end of the smear campaign. The smear campaign often creates what’s known as flying monkeys (as in the Wizard of Oz, where flying monkeys serve at the whim of the Wicked Witch), who will advocate on the narcissist’s behalf and make you feel isolated in your position.

Examples:

A girlfriend convinces her significant other that his best friend spread devastating rumors about him.
A father tells his son that no one else will let him live with them, so he better be a good little boy and do as he’s told.
When Richard moves out of the house to avoid more abuse, his spouse calls his parents pretending to cry over the phone with a made-up story about his infidelity until they denounce Richard and agree to help her.

Advice: First, if someone is tearing down your loved ones, take what they say with great skepticism. Listen for concrete evidence. Check up on the facts, if there are any, before accepting any conclusions. If they offer no facts, move into a discovery process. Second, if you find yourself in a position to abandon a narcissist and you have some time before doing so, explain to your loved ones about smear campaigns before one begins. Be vulnerable and sincere in presenting the truth about the abuse you suffered. If you act before a narcissist does, you will have far greater odds of defeating a potential smear campaign. If you don’t have the time before abandonment, catch your loved ones as soon as you can following abandonment.

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Techniques