Concept: Enablers of narcissists accel at loyalty, which is blind, unquestioned allegiance to another. Narcissists often speak of loyalty to them, but when offering it to others, the promises of loyal devotion will break when something better comes along that can replace their current victims with something better.

How this creates more abuse: True loyalty creates devotion. When narcissists notice that enablers are unquestionably devoted to them, they will lose fears of discovery and abandonment and loosen restrictions on the abuse they may have once held for fear of pushing too hard.

Examples:

1. “It’s okay that you didn’t drive Dad to the hospital when he was hurt. So what if he’s dead? You’re still my mom, and I’m here for you.”
2. “You had such a tough childhood. It’s hard for you sometimes to treat me right. I get that, and I’ll be here for you no matter what.”
3. “It’s so unfair! So what if you told the investors some optimistic projections? At the deposition, I’ll say whatever I must to protect your company.”

Advice: Only be loyal to those you believe can offer the same to you. When lack-of-reciprocation evidence mounts, feel free to negate your vows of loyalty. Loyalty can be a virtue, but loyalty can only lead to an acceptance of abuse when offered to a narcissist.

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