Martyrizing - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: Narcissists wish for others to view them as victims to avoid taking responsibility for mistakes or malevolence. Martyrizing is a way to take victimhood one step further and convince others (and often self) that the narcissist didn’t fail when pursuing their own needs but couldn’t accomplish a selfless goal due to the immoral actions of others.

How this leads to greater control over a victim: Successful martyrizing casts a narcissist as a benevolent force trying to improve the lives of others. This deepens the story of victimhood and creates potential sources of narcissistic supply who now admire the narcissist.

Examples:

A potential dictator stages a coup “for the people.”
After receiving a better offer and ditching set plans, a friend claims, “I wanted so bad to be there on your birthday, but I couldn’t refuse my neighbor who needed a babysitter in a pinch. I can’t believe I had to miss your party, but it felt good to help a friend.”
“All I ever wanted to do was love you, but when you walked away from our relationship, I knew you just didn’t have the same love for me.”

Advice: True martyrs don’t feel the need to prop themselves up because those who seek to do good for others don’t go out of their way to get credit. Narratives that martyrize the storyteller are almost always untrue.

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Techniques