Moderation - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: With narcissists’ extreme sensitivities, they possess hair triggers that lead to thoughts about their inferiority to others. For non-narcissists, negative emotional reactions to minor events fade with the slightest reflection. Narcissists take any information that can damage their self-image with the utmost seriousness. Moderating their response when faced with such dire circumstances as falling into a shame spiral is nearly impossible.

How this hurts the narcissist: A lack of self-control makes narcissists jumpy and unstable. People in their lives often feel they must tread lightly and restrict what they say for fear of what can set off narcissists. It’s not always clear what will set off a narcissist because even seemingly innocuous comments may drive them into a rage. Narcissists slowly but surely drive their supply sources away with repeated outbursts and inherent instability.

Examples:

A husband wonders aloud if his wife is feeling well because she doesn’t “look so good.” She responds, “Oh, I’m so sorry! Is my aging offensive? I looked so much better when you met me, didn’t I? You’re such a jerk!”
A mother scolds her eight-year-old for not folding the laundry to her standards. When her son cries in response, she screams at him, demanding that he stop at once.
A police officer chokes a man to death for selling loose cigarettes.

Advice: If you can’t leave a narcissistic relationship, limit the information you convey to the narcissist. The set of things that can upset them is infinite. Whenever you do, it could quickly descend into abuse (unfortunately, this could include violence) with no time to prepare yourself.

Narcissism Encyclopedia

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