Concept: A passive communication style means diminishing personal needs in deference to the needs of others. Enablers of narcissists are typically passive by refusing to communicate what they need, want, think, or feel. Narcissists take aggressive (directly demanding need fulfillment and practicing abusive behavior to ensure that it happens) or passive-aggressive (lying about their contentment while harboring ill feelings and taking covert aggressive actions) communication styles that lead to taking advantage of enablers.

How this creates more abuse: Passivity communicates kindness and an easy-going personality, but to a narcissist, it also acts as an invitation to take advantage of the enabler.

Examples:

1. “I’m fine, but I just want to make sure that you’re okay. After all, stealing from me probably made you feel really bad. Tell you what? Why don’t you tell me how much money you need, and I can just give it to you.”
2. “It’s okay. The doctors said I can exert some effort. Let me rub your feet while you tell me about your hard day.”
3. “The boss won’t mind as long as it gets done. Let me write the report while you go home and relax.”

Advice: Get and work through the Assertiveness Workbook or something like it.

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