Praise

Concept: Praise is the attribution of positive qualities or successful behavior. Narcissists crave praise to defend against their internal shame and self-loathing because only good people get praise.

How this counteracts a narcissist’s insecurities: Praise is a means of providing relief from self-doubt. For the narcissist, self-doubt is so persistent that praise feeds an addiction to counteract a craving. Yet, the more praise offered, the greater the tolerance for it becomes, thus requiring increasing strength and frequency to achieve the same high.

Examples:

  1. A party host criticizes the food he made to get a guest to deny the putdown, then offer positive feedback.
  2. A boss describes an idea to a subordinate and asks for an opinion about the idea’s worth knowing the subordinate will be mindful of the consequences of a negative response and offer praise for it.
  3. A soup kitchen volunteer posts a picture of his service on social media, hoping for many likes and positive comments.

Advice: Praise boosts the narcissist and diminishes their self-loathing, but only temporarily, thus making praise a type of addictive fix. If you get the sense that a person in your life constantly needs praise, this is a telling sign of narcissism. Start looking for other signs as well. Most people like praise, but there’s a difference between liking it and an addiction to it.

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