Concept: Non-narcissists can put others above themselves without hesitation, depending on the context. Narcissists cannot maintain any prioritizing scheme that doesn’t have themselves on top. When narcissists appear to do something for another without self-gain, casual observation usually benefits the narcissist, even as simple as bragging rights that strengthen the narcissist’s narrative of a self-sacrificing character.

How this hurts the narcissist: Those who can’t prioritize others quickly find themselves at the bottom of the priority scheme.

Examples:

1. “I felt so bad for you when you fell down the stairs and weren’t moving. I wanted to help, but then I thought, ‘What if something made him slip?’ So, I had to stay up here where it was safe. That 911 call was tough when I couldn’t see if you were breathing but aren’t you glad I called? You’re welcome!”
2. Even though Brad knew his son would be devastated if his dad didn’t make it to his piano recital, Brad accepted an invitation to hang out with his friends at the horse track instead.
3. “I’m not paying for your rehab! You got yourself into this mess; you get yourself out of it,” said the husband, who drove his wife to drink to dull the pain of her abusive relationship.

Advice: If you’re always coming to the aid of someone in your life when they need help, but when you ask for help, you only get refusals; it’s time to cut off your services.

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