Concept: Promises are typically offered with intention to follow through on the promised action or face guilt as the loved one counting on us loses trust in our word. A narcissistic tendency to feel entitled and superior to others means little investment in offered promises. Narcissists tend to give promises to get immediate gratification from someone in exchange for a future commitment they have no intention of fulfilling. Even the memory of the promise fades relatively quickly.

How this hurts the narcissist: A promise broken has an equivalent reduction in trust. Enough broken promises and victims of a narcissist begin their path to discovery.

Examples:

1. “I do,” she said on the altar at her wedding.
2. Martin scoffs after getting off the phone with Theo. He won’t be coming home from work on time today either, no matter what he said.
3. “I swear, Mildred. If you take me back, I’ll never hit you again.”

Advice: Don’t change your plans based on a narcissist’s promises when you’ll only have to change them again later. Also, if you must make a deal with a narcissist, only make one where they have to deliver their end of the bargain right away, under your watchful eye.

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