Concept: Victims of narcissists know at some level that something is wrong with the narcissists in their lives. Seeking feedback can help a lot. Others often notice what we cannot perceive or willfully ignore. However, advice-seeking only works with reliable sources. Friends and family of the narcissist are not helpful as they’ll act as advocates for the narcissist (i.e., flying monkeys). Those who refuse to say anything negative about anyone are also unhelpful. Only those considered to be outside the narcissist’s social sphere can give candid feedback that will make advice-seeking helpful.
How this helps and the opposite hurts: If selective to those who can help, the advice helps validate the recovering victim’s suspicions. After gaslighting episodes, the dependence on the narcissist defining reality shatters when a reliable source offers unbiased advice. Seeking advice from those who would advocate on the narcissist’s behalf has the opposite effect of bringing the recovering victim back into the stranglehold of the relationship.
Examples:
Advice: Before seeking advice, consider whether the potential adviser will give you biased or unbiased opinions. Only select the latter and then listen with fully focused attention, even if you’d rather not hear it.
Home | Rights Theory | Love | Toxic Personalities | Fiction | Charlton’s Ground | About Me
Red Flags | Motivations | Fears | Techniques | Inabilities | Stages | Enabling
Assertiveness | Assigning responsibility | Boundary Setting | Gray Rocking | Happiness Focus | Hero’s Journey | Mind Eviction | No Contact | Research | Self-Care | Self-Realization | Testing | Therapy | Withholding Information