Self-Realization - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: Under narcissistic pressure campaigns to accept false narratives of the narcissist’s superiority, victims often lose sight of who they are in a way that makes them view themselves negatively. When digging out of the hole a narcissist dug for the victim’s self-image, the recovering victim will start to engage in self-exploration and recover from these distortions of their self-image, often coming to grips with the lies behind the narcissist’s denigrations.

How this helps, and the opposite hurts: Narcissists get their victims to serve their needs by making them feel inferior, which morally justifies servitude to the narcissists over self-care. Successful self-realization causes recovering victims to see their own goodness and opens a path to self-care, eventually leading to liberation from narcissistic relationships. Without this, the victim can remain stuck forever until the narcissist moves to the discard phase.

Examples:

“I would never treat her as poorly as she treats me. Wait a minute! Who’s the real bad guy here?”
“She said I was utterly devoid of empathy, but she insulted me constantly. How much empathy did she have?
As he shed tears hearing a news report of a husband losing his wife of 70 years and dying shortly after that, Lance saw that his wife’s denigrations of his lack of care for others completely missed the mark.

Advice: The narcissist in your life targeted you because of your virtues, like kindness, tolerance, and service orientation. Compare those motivations for your behavior to those held by the narcissist. Now ask yourself, who has the better qualities?

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Defenses Against