Concept: The intensity of self-loathing that narcissists experience requires an equal counterweight of false narratives to create balance and persevere through life. Yet narcissists constantly engage in immoral behavior, which requires stronger narratives to overcome the growing body of evidence that justifies their inner shame. This leads to another destructive tactic—never looking in the metaphorical mirror. This form of active ignorance pushes a narcissist into the inability to self-reflect, which can cause incredible frustration for anyone in the narcissist’s life trying to help.

How this hurts the narcissist: The narcissist’s lack of self-reflection means a severely diminished capacity to learn from mistakes because they can’t examine mistakes. This forces the narcissist to get stuck in destructive behavioral patterns. A lack of learning is an enormous millstone around a person’s neck, yet narcissists are doomed to carry it unless they somehow gain the ability to self-reflect.

Examples:

1. A worker gets fired for stealing from someone else’s register, the same way he got fired from his last three jobs.
2. A man ditches therapy after a few sessions because the therapist started making a lot of progress.
3. When Lilly called out her husband on his abusive behavior, he lashed out at her so much that she felt she had to run for her life.

Advice: Resist the urge to get narcissists to see the ugly side of their natures. They will never see it, and the resulting abuse against you could become severe. You can’t help people overcome psychological problems when they’re unwilling or unable to help themselves.

Home | Rights Theory | Love | Toxic Personalities | Fiction | Charlton’s Ground | About Me

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Red Flags | Motivations | Fears | Techniques | Stages | Enabling | Defenses Against

Inabilities

Caring for Others | Emotional Maturity | Happiness | Honesty | Keeping Commitments | Logical Reasoning | Love/Empathy | Moderation | Moral Reasoning | Prioritizing Others | Promise Keeping