Stonewalling - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: Stonewalling is a refusal to cooperate in an endeavor where the stonewaller’s actions are needed to achieve a goal. Any of us may refuse to cooperate in an endeavor that we believe may cross one or more of our boundaries. When stonewalling is done routinely and often with demands attached in exchange for cooperation, it becomes evident that the stonewalling is not due to principle but rather to serve a narcissist’s needs and demands.

How this leads to greater control over a victim: The frustration from stonewalling can create a willingness to give in to the stonewaller’s demands.

Examples:

A country’s ruler demands that certain conditions happen before a diplomat will arrive for peace-treaty negotiations.
A father tells his daughter he won’t drive her to a soccer game unless she apologizes for not wiping her feet on the mat before coming into the house.
A cult leader demands tribute before performing ceremonial rituals.

Advice: If possible, figure out how to carry on the best you can without the stonewaller. If the efforts are to strengthen or preserve a damaged relationship, stonewalling may be the excuse you need to end the relationship.

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