Testing

Concept: Narcissists excel at hiding information and particularly the motivations behind their abuse. As such, it often takes a discerning mind to unravel the truth about narcissists.  One technique is to test the narcissist by providing information (whether accurate or not) that the narcissist could use for shaming. If the narcissist uses the information to put down the victim, then the narcissist provides evidence of their condition.

How this helps, and the opposite hurts: Testing puts a recovering victim into the role of a scientist testing a hypothesis. It’s an objective method and can have a staggering positive effect when it confirms the theory, using the narcissist’s own tendencies to provide incriminating evidence. Refusing to test isn’t necessarily harmful but using it can make discovery happen sooner.

Examples:

  1. “My mother always said I was ‘sneaky.’ To this day, the term makes me cringe, even if someone isn’t saying it about me.”
  2. She left the receipt on the counter from the gas station showing she spent money on a more expensive fuel type than usual. When her husband screams at her demanding a justification for the purchase, she confirms his abusive nature.
  3. Rick leaves his phone open on the counter, watching for his roommate to pick it up and rifle through it.

Advice: You’ll want to be careful when using false information. If it’s too obvious or the narcissist is highly intelligent, it could have negative consequences, such as using a lie to reinforce a smear campaign. If you’re concerned about this, you can always give a fact, so long as the benefit of testing exceeds the harm of the information getting out.

Home | Rights Theory | Love | Toxic Personalities | Fiction | Charlton’s Ground | About Me

Narcissism Encyclopedia

Red Flags | Motivations | Fears | Techniques | Inabilities | Stages | Enabling

Defenses Against

Assertiveness | Assigning responsibility | Boundary Setting | Gray Rocking | Happiness Focus | Hero’s Journey | Mind Eviction | No Contact | Research | Selective Advice Seeking | Self-Care | Self-Realization | Therapy | Withholding Information