Therapy - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: Individual therapy is one of the most effective and fast means for recovering victims to overcome the negative outcomes of narcissistic abuse (note: do not enter into couple’s or family therapy with a narcissist as the narcissist does not take it seriously and often plays games like trying to get the therapist to align against you). A victim in (or coming out of) a narcissistic relationship does so after suffering from psychological warfare waged against them, with the winner taking control of the victim’s mind. This leaves a victim in a weakened state of dependency on the narcissist to define their reality. A trained professional applying therapeutic techniques to treat the recovering victim’s mind is one of the greatest weapons for completing the healing journey.

How this helps, and the opposite hurts: The trained therapist is a practitioner who takes knowledge about psychological healing and applies it at the right times based on how the session proceeds. Even if victims of abuse have clinical psychology training, the existence of the relationship shows that they failed to apply therapeutic techniques to help themselves, so the therapist should help in either case. Those who think they don’t need therapy to heal may succeed, but therapy accelerates healing toward full recovery.

Examples:

A therapist explores her client’s past to show him how his upbringing likely gave him a distorted view of love.
Holly fires her therapist and looks for a new one after hearing from the therapist that she could have saved the abusive relationship she endured if only she cared more.
After Phil sits through one more couple’s therapy session with the therapist and a no-show wife, he asks the therapist for recommendations for an individual therapist.

Advice: Choose your therapist wisely. Be sure to read bios for signs of treatment preferences that make sense to you. Once you have a few to several candidates, arrange a short call with each available therapist to figure out the fit. You may have individual preferences but be sure also to mention that you aim to heal from an abusive relationship. Analyze the responses to your questions about how the therapist will (or won’t) accommodate you. If you hear many invalidating statements, like “We’ll focus on how you can be better at meeting your partner’s needs,” this may not be the right choice for you. Sign up instead for a therapist who shows empathy and validation for you and the trauma you experienced. This Dr. Ramani video gives this and other great advice.

Narcissism Encyclopedia

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