Triangulation - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: Narcissists constantly enter competition with others to prove their superiority. They are also liable to create competition between individuals by comparing a current victim to past victims who had the same relationship with the narcissist. During the early stages of the relationship [see Love Bombing], the narcissist will compare the new victim in a favorable light to an old victim. When the narcissist moves to the devaluing stage, the comparison becomes unfavorable against the latest victim. As triangulation continues, narcissists make an implicit or explicit threat that the old victim could replace the new victim if the new one continues to fail to reach the standards set by the old victim.

How this leads to greater control over a victim: Assuming the new victim wishes to maintain the relationship, it becomes clear that the relationship will terminate with the old victim’s return. This method is particularly strong when the narcissist abandons the old victim, who is now susceptible to Hoovering.

Examples:

A boss praises a new employee’s predecessor expressing a wish that the employee achieve the same level of success.
After discarding his girlfriend, Zach dates the woman he cheated with full-time. When he enters the devaluing phase with the new one, he seizes the opportunity to leave his phone open where his new girlfriend can read just-sent text messages from his old one.
Haley’s mom threatens to kick her out of the house unless she can get her grades up as high as her twin brother’s.

Advice: If you experience triangulation, concede defeat to the old victim. This will allow you to either exit the relationship with little fuss or at least end the triangulation bid.

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