Ultimatums - Dan Cassenti, Novelist

Concept: Ultimatums are attempts to force a narcissistic-abuse victim to act or face the relationship’s dissolution. These are the “musts” of relationships and should not be confused with boundaries, which are the “no’s” of a relationship

How this leads to greater control over a victim: Assuming the victim wishes to maintain the relationship, they must consider capitulating to the narcissist’s demands or face the adverse consequence.

Examples:

“If you really loved me, you would help me dig up dirt on my co-worker.”
“If you’re going to continue working here, you’ll need to show your loyalty to me, which might mean changing the books to show better profits for the investors every once in a while.”
“We can continue hanging out, but only if you stop hanging out with that loser.”

Advice: Set a boundary against ultimatums in a relationship. The first time it’s done, refuse to comply and warn that you have a three-strikes-and-you’re-out rule. The second time, offer one last warning. The third time, be prepared to walk away.

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