Concept: Vulnerability is being in a state of opportunity for attack from an aggressor. When a vulnerability exists in the context of a potential physical attack, it’s always best to find a way to counteract it and get as close to eliminating it as possible. In a loving relationship, being vulnerable is an opportunity for the vulnerable party to open up about something that could hurt or did hurt them, secure in the knowledge that the partner would not consider attack in the present or future based on this. Trust builds this way, and the relationship can go forward more vital than ever. This wisdom escapes narcissists who will choose against vulnerability whenever possible.

How this increases a narcissist’s insecurities: Unfortunately, most (if not all) narcissists experienced a substantial deficit of love as a child, whether through neglect, abuse, or both. As they did not experience love, they cannot recognize its presence or absence, instead choosing to assume its absence. Thus, a narcissist experiencing vulnerability will almost always fear a present or future attack.

Examples:

1. Ed lies about his past, assuming that his friend would otherwise inform others and lead to a future punishment or losing out on a future source of supply.
2. A mother kicks her child out of the house because the child has confessed to not sharing the mother’s religious beliefs.
3. A man works out day and night to increase his muscle mass because of a fixation he developed as a child getting picked on for his frail frame.

Advice: Avoid vulnerability with narcissists. When confronted with your vulnerability, they will eventually use that vulnerability to attack you when the relationship deteriorates.

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