Concept: With low-to-absent empathy for others (or at least active ignorance of others’ emotional states), narcissists view others as tools for achieving their needs. Whereas most of us see others as independent entities with their own goals, desires, and needs deserving of respect, the self-focus of a narcissist drives them to wonder how to get others to serve their needs.

How this counteracts a narcissist’s insecurities: Fears that a narcissist’s needs will remain unsatisfied subside when a narcissist manipulates another into serving them.

Examples:

1. A stay-at-home husband refuses to get a job despite opportunities and no longer having kids young enough to be home during the day.
2. An employed man convinces a friend who works at a particular firm to disrupt the supervisor’s day by speaking to her about getting the narcissist a job.
3. A dictator sends soldiers to war to force a land grab from a neighboring state.

Advice: Narcissists do not care about others’ needs. Their self-focus allows them active ignorance and limited-to-absent moral boundaries in manipulating others to serve their needs. Recognize when someone in your life does this to you, and head for the exit if you can.

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Narcissism Encyclopedia

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